I am sitting at my kitchen table of my new apartment eating my breakfast with about 20 minutes until I have to leave for work. Mom and Austin were here this past weekend for Chandra's bridal shower and also for Austin and Chandra to take their bridal pictures. Cannot believe that my last brother is going to be getting married in about 7 days! I will officially be the lone ranger of the McKell clan... its okay, I have Eleanor to keep me company ;)
It had all just worked out to have Mom here that weekend because there were so many things that just happened to fall on those days. I was moving out and into a new apartment and I also spoke in church on Sunday. It all just came together!
There sure was a drama that happened on Sunday morning. I picked up Mom from my Aunt and Uncles house before church and was going through the main points of my talk and realized that I was missing the last two pages! Church was going to start at 10:00 and there was no way we would've had time to run home, print it, and have time for me to be up on the stand before they started the meeting. So our solution was to have Mom go back to my apartment, print it and hopefully make it back before church started. Well I walked into the building and there was only a handful of people there. My bishop walks up to me and tells me that they had decided to push the meeting back to 10:30. I felt such relief from this because that meant that Mom would for sure be back in time with the last two pages of my talk.
We were combining with all the other wards in the complex and this was just the beginning of the scheduling conflicts.
Bishop then walks up to me a couple minutes later as I was sitting with Mom, Chandra and Austin and says, "Sooo.... you may not even be speaking today." WHAT!!!! Apparently there was another scheduling conflict and another ward also assigned people to speak and in result we had 6 people assigned to speak for just one meeting. There was no way I was going to back down and to speak. Lets just say I can be very persuasive when I need to be. I spoke and was very happy with the way it was delivered and it made it even more special to have Mom, Austin and Chandra there.
Here is my talk.. I was allowed to pick any topic I wanted from a conference talk.
We have all heard the quotes, “If you’re not first your last” or
“No one remembers who came in second” or "When you win, nothing hurts.” I don’t know about you but those words were engraved in my
brain not by anyone else but by my own self. I always believed that if I
couldn’t succeed on my first try, I was a complete failure. I maintained this
mindset up until and throughout my high school years, even though I was raised
in a family that taught the exact opposite.
I remember a very specific moment in my Algebra 2 class. I was
taking a normal chapter test and came to a question that had me stumped. I sat
at the edge of my desk and did what I call “spiraling.”
It started
as…
· If I got this one question wrong my test grade then would drop
· If my grade dropped, then my grade in the class would drop
· If my grade in the class dropped, then my GPA would drop
· If my GPA dropped, then before I knew it I wouldn’t be able to
get into the college of my choice
· I wouldn’t be able to major in what I wanted
· I wouldn’t be able to provide for my family
· And the rest of my life would not go as I planned
This
became a constant occurrence. Just because of that one math problem.
What I
want to talk about today are some things that have helped me to change my
perspective about failure and success. In my room there are all sorts of sticky notes, doodles, to
do lists, and random quotes plastered on my walls. There is one quote by Bob Kennedy;
US 5000 meter record holder that I know is true because I experienced it as I
ran track all through high school. This quote states, QUOTE “One thing about racing is that it hurts.
You better accept that from the beginning or you're not going anywhere." END QUOTE
I learned
that I couldn’t win the race if I didn’t run the race. We cannot succeed if we
don’t try. And trying includes failing. How many times have we had our feet in
the starting blocks of life and before the gun goes off we have convinced
ourselves that we have no chance at winning. This is not our Heavenly Fathers
plan!
President
Monson in his talk titled “The Will Within” teaches us that; “Our
responsibility is to rise from mediocrity to competence, from failure to
achievement. Our task is to become our best selves. One of God’s greatest gifts
to us is the joy of trying again, for no failure ever need be final.”
Picture it
now; you’ve finished your last final and waiting for your score to appear on
the screen outside the testing center. What is going through your head? I could
hear my mothers voice saying to me, “Annie, what’s the worst thing that could
happen?” I would answer, “Well, if I fail, I will have to retake this class.”
She would respond, “Now is that really the WORST thing that could ever happen?”
“No, it wasn’t the worst thing that could ever happen, she was right.”
In a BYU devotional, Professor
Brish said, QUOTE “Observers of the martyred Joseph Smith might have found his
life a failure if they had seen his limp and lifeless body on the ground at
Carthage Jail. And many who looked on the Savior as he hung dying on the cross
might have considered his mission a failure as well. But time has shown the
apparent temporary failure of Joseph Smith to be but the prelude to the
glorious growth of the Lord’s work. And the Savior’s apparent failure at
Calvary was in actuality the greatest conquest in all eternity, the conquest
over sin and death. That we may learn to distinguish between what appears to be
success and what is success in eternal terms.” END QUOTE
We need to
embrace failure. Failure creates success. If we quit before we even start we
have lost all chances of succeeding. My parents always told me “Just stay in
your own lane.” This counsel made sense to me but hadn’t really sunk in until I
was literally on the track, racing, in my own lane. To look over at my opponent
would’ve been death because my complete focus would be lost. I would lose my
footing, my form, my momentum and possibly the entire race.
President
Monson shared a story about John Helander from Sweden. A handicapped 26 year
old, John took part in a 1500-meter running race. He had no chance to win.
Rather, his was the opportunity to be humiliated, mocked, derided, scorned.
Perhaps John remembered another who lived long ago and far away. Wasn’t He
mocked? Wasn’t He derided? Wasn’t He scorned? But He prevailed. He won His
race. Maybe John could win his.
What
a race it was! Struggling, surging, pressing, the runners bolted far beyond
John. There was wonderment among the spectators. Who is this runner who lags so
far behind? The participants on their second lap of this two-lap race passed
John while he was but halfway through the first lap. Tension mounted as the
runners pressed toward the tape. Who would win? Who would place second? Then
came the final burst of speed; the tape was broken. The crowd cheered; the
winner was proclaimed.
The
race was over—or was it? Who is this contestant who continues to run when the
race is ended? He crosses the finish line on but his first lap. Doesn’t the
foolish lad know he has lost? Ever onward he struggles, the only participant
now on the track. This is HIS race. This must be HIS victory. No one among the
vast throng of spectators leaves. Every eye is on this valiant runner. He makes
the final turn and moves toward the finish line. There is awe; there is
admiration. Every spectator sees himself running his own race of life. As John
approaches the finish line, the audience, as one, rises to its feet. There is a
loud applause of acclaim. Stumbling, falling, exhausted but victorious, John breaks
the newly tightened tape. The cheering echoes for miles. And just maybe, if the
ear is carefully attuned, that Great Scorekeeper—even the Lord—can be heard to
say, “Well done, thou good and faithful servant” (Matt. 25:21).
Each of us
is a runner in the race of life. Comforting is the fact that there are many
runners. Reassuring is the knowledge that our eternal Scorekeeper is
understanding. Challenging is the truth that each must run. But you and I do
not run alone. That vast audience of family, friends, and leaders will cheer
our courage, will applaud our determination as we rise from our stumbling’s and
pursue our goal. The race of life is not for sprinters running on a level
track. The course is marked by pitfalls and checkered with obstacles.
After learning
this, As I sit in the testing center I don’t think of all the failures that
could come if I get just that ONE QUESTION wrong. I know that I don’t need to
be afraid of failure. I know that throughout this race of life all our Savior
wants is for us to try. To do our best. He wants us to pick ourselves up when
we fall and He has extended his hand, all we have to do is reach up and grab
it.
Just to repeat that
quote from the beginning, QUOTE “One thing about racing is that it hurts. You
better accept that from the beginning or you're not going anywhere." END
QUOTE
The Savior knows
that life isn’t just a warm up lap or a stroll through the park. In knowing
that, He wants us to not stop at the finish line but run through it; to end out
of breath and know that we gave it everything that we had.
I ran the
400-meter and the 4x4 relay in high school. If any of you have raced the
400-meter you know about the wall that you hit at the 300-meter mark. You can’t
feel your legs and your lungs feel as if they are collapsing on you. My older
brother Austin, who was on the team with me was only one person that could get
me to “kick” at that mark and to give it everything I had for the last 100
meters.. I heard his voice in my head even after he graduated saying, “Give it
all you got!” “Go get it!”
While this
helped me through my track career, there is also a parallel to the Savior. When
we feel like we have hit that wall and feel that we should give up and accept
failure, He is there telling us, “Give it all you got!” He has run the same
race. He knows us and knows we can win!
He wants us to
“obtain the prize prepared for all, even exaltation in the Celestial Kingdom of
God.”
I bear you my
testimony that if we do this, if we are obedient, if we stay in our own lane
and stay focused on the prize and not the price, if we realize that our
failures create our successes we will stand in the winner’s circle.
And we will
hear…
Well done, thou
good and faithful servant: thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will
make thee ruler over many things: enter thou into the joy of thy lord.
I would go on and on about how much I love my new apartment, roommates and how I am not exactly sure if I am excited for school to start on Monday of if I am dreading it all together. I'll let you know how I feel after the first day of school. Class Monday through Friday and 20 hours of work... check on me to see if I still have my sanity when the semester ends.
My alarm has gone off telling me I need to leave for work. Have a great adventure today! :)
Exceptional talk Annie!
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